4 lines to rule them all

Image
Heres a visual representation of what your life looks like if you live above the statistical benchmark to the age of 80. Each square here represents one week at an average of 53 weeks per year To some this might seem morbid, but I find it fascinating, humbling. You see a box I see milestones; birth of a child. The passing of a loved one. Graduation. The first paycheck. Marriage. Happiness and sadness and everything in between all rolled into 4 lines connected together. I like to fill in each week as it passes, it serves the following purpose - acts as a reminder on how far I have to go, so I contemplate and reflect on mistakes to learn from them - helps in keeping my self aligned to my values and stick to my smaller seemingly mundane habits that will only benefit me in the long run (like staying active/ keeping relationships) - keeps me grounded on how much I do not know - a constant reminder on not to take small things too seriously as it will all eventually come to an end - lastl...

Internal Convolution

Taking out time to understand myself has been a rather convoluted journey

Im reminded - as I pen this - of how my grandfather would sit on his computer and type away, his neurons firing, his muscles contracting, mitochondria powering his every move as he brought his books into existence - yet today he is no more. I buried him.

The stillness of his grave is tattooed under my eyelids, the dampness of wet soil does not leave my nostrils and no matter how many times I wipe my hands, they still bleed the color of the Earth

To think that someone so powerless, so motionless, could have felt the emotions I feel, or have gone through the same thoughts as mine, is to believe that I too, despite all my current vigor, will one day end up an exponentially faint memory

And I don’t know how that makes me feel yet.

Life is a constant struggle. We give too much importance to work and yet in a longing for purpose, I find myself wishing I could dedicate myself to one thing as purely as Cristiano has dedicated himself to Football, Torvalds to Linux, or Musk to the musings of his mind.

Then and only then is success not only possible, but inevitable. But if we are to end, what is the meaning of that success, I wonder. 

“To know thyself is to know existence”

It seems I am still unfamiliar with existence.

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